Dude! I'm SO Not A..."
by McRITCHIE
Summary: A special guest speaker at Hogwarts begins a chain of accusations....hehehehe, Read On!!!


Hey, unless you don't know who Stockwell Day is, please, read on, You can skip the A/N. Stockwell Day is the leader of the Canadian Alliance, and is against giving rights to homosexuals.....hmm. Anyway, he comes to Hogwarts, and all hell breaks loose......

**"Dude! I'm SO Not A...."**

Subtitled: Stockwell Day comes to Hogwarts 

The students of Professor Lindor's Muggle Studies class were studying the politics of Muggles. Given that a Muggle election had just taken place in the sister country of England, Canada, the Professor thought it to be a good idea to bring in a candidate. 

Professor Dumbledore agreed. 

"Bring him in, and we'll have him speak, then modify his memory. Maybe this will be an experience for the whole school to share. We could all learn a little bit more about Muggles." 

And so were the plans. 

The next day, students were brought in from their second class of the day to the Great Hall where the Assembly would take place. When all were settled, Dumbledore began to speak. 

"Welcome, we have a special visitor today. May I welcome Mr. Stockwell Day of the Canadian Alliance Party." 

On that note, a man emerged from a room to the side of the Great Hall, followed close behind by Professor Snape. Day walked to the High Table, sitting on top of it, one foot on the ground, the other resting on a bench (a position very similar to that on the pamphlet he handed out.....) 

"Welcome," He said, nodding his head in a friendly way. "I am Mr. Stockwell Day. Your teacher has informed me that you'd like me to talk to you about the election. Are there any questions?" 

A half-blood from the Ravenclaw table raised his hand. "What was the main goal of your party, Mr. Day?" He questioned. 

"That, my friend," answered Stockwell, pointing towards the boy. "Is an easy question. To be rid of all the homosexuals currently residing in Canada." 

With this, Professor Dumbledore stood up. Most expected him to tell off Stockwell for saying such a thing. Some expected him to announce the Assembly over, boring as it was. Nobody expected what really happened. Dumbledore smiled kindly in the direction of the Gryffindor Table and said, 

"Mr. Longbottom, Mr. Weasley, if offended by this, you may be excused." 

Ron stood up slowly, raising his hands in front of him like a fugitive. 

"Uh, uh, Nooo way, I'm not a...." But he was interrupted by a sight that, to him, was completely disturbing. Neville was rubbing his leg in a suggestive way, winking at him. 

"Ron," he said smoothly, rolling the r just a bit, "I never knew you were like me....." He winked once more. 

"Dude! I'm SO not a homo!" He yelled in horror. Everyone giggled at him, thinking that a guy saying 'so' was a sure hint of gayness. 

"What???" Ron bellowed. Then, gesturing towards two other Gryffindors, he continued, "If you want some lesbian action, just look at Parvati and Lavender!" The two girls looked outraged. 

"Yeah, uh huh," Ron continued, not quite finished, "Look at them, for six years they've been inseperable, what does that tell you?" He finally finished, arms crossed in front of him. Parvati stood up on her bench and threw herself at Ron's neck, attempting to strangle him. Soon Lavender joined in, and they managed to give Ron a bleeding nose and black eye. The three of them had ended up in the middle of the Great Hall during the brawl, where the whole school could see them. All the students thought this to be terribly amusing. Even Stockwell Day was smirking. 

Finally, Ron laying on the ground still, Parvati and Lavender stood up. Parvati stepped on Ron's stomach, and pointed at him threateningly, eyes flashing menacingly. 

"If you EVER suggest something like that again, I'll do more then shed a little blood. Besides, everyone knows that the only queers in this school are Crabbe and Goyle!" She turned to flounce off, and found herself face to face with the two mentioned. 

"Hehehe, hey guys...." she said weakly, noticing their bulging muscles. They cracked their knuckles, eyes peering down on the girls angrily. Finally, for the first time in six years, the whole school heard Crabbe speak.....

"Yeah, well, at least we're not the products of incest like Bulstrode over there," He said, gesturing back towards the Slytherin Table. The whole school gaped, then burst into laughter, pointing at Millicent. She was at their side in an instant, slapping Crabbe and Goyle upside the head. They growled at her and hit back. Soon the three of them were involved in a huge battle, with Ron, Parvati and Lavender becoming part of it almost instantly. 

Suddenly there was a loud bang that ended the fight, as well as the cheers and jeers coming from the tables around them. Everyone looked up in amazement, as the six fighting students were separated magically. Professor McGonagall was standing in front of them, her lips as tight as size 24 pants on a size 34 waist, and looking increasingly angry with every passing second. 

"I am DISGUSTED!!" She bellowed, then, gesturing towards the six of them, continued "Students, brawling in front of the whole school, and when we have a GUEST!! I want you all out, ALL OF YOU!!!" 

She looked and sounded so severe that the Great Hall was evacuated within seconds, teachers included. Nobody wanted to get in the way of McGonagall's wrath. Only she and Stockwell Day remained. 

McGonagall turned slowly, a small smile escaping on her lips. She strolled over to Day, and sat on his lap suggestively. 

"So Mr. Day, where were we........" 

HAHAHA, that ending was sick and twisted, McGonagall and Day, ewwwww! Reviews are Wonderful, Flames are used to light my dar, so you can put them up too!!! 


End file.
